Almost all of us believe that we live in an age of uncouth manners, that things were better in some previous era. For example, the 18th century in English is known as a period of high refinement in social intercourse. We look back with nostalgia to the soft candlelight, the elaborate courtesies, the hand-kissing.

Manners are society"s way of oiling the machinery. If you don"t lubricate relationships, tempers rise and people fight unnecessary battles. Perhaps, it"s worthwhile having good manners, if only so that when you drop them for a moment, people know you mean business.

People with good manners do better in most situations than those without. Most negotiations, for example, are impossible without good manners, which explains why diplomats are famed for their courtesy. The best lawyers, too, are usually exquisitely courteous.

Despite mankind"s reputation for violence, most people prefer to avoid confrontation, and avoiding confrontation is what manners are all about. Manners represent the triumph of civilization over barbarism, and the sensible application of enlightened self-interest. Manners are not a demonstration of weakness, but a sign of common sense.

In the end, there is no gain in being cruel to people, whether it is in the small failures of civility in daily life or in the larger ones. Manners are mankind"s way of saying, "Let"s not fight unless we have to" And there may be no higher wisdom than that, in diplomacy, in business, in love and marriage, in the transactions of everyday life. (247 words)

By Michael Korda